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How (not) to be a Pro Blogger

I've been doing this blogging malarky for almost two years which makes me a relative veteran.  Apparently, 2 out of 3 blogs are abandoned in the first 6 months* so I'm quite proud of the fact that I've almost reached the two year mark.

I've reached the point where my readership is growing steadily, and I turn down more collaborations than I accept which is a nice position to be in.

There are a few bloggers out there that make it look incredibly easy - their outfit photos are perfect and appear daily.  They quaff green smoothies in stylish cafes whilst the rest of us spill Muzzbuzz coffees on ourselves on the school run.

It occurred to me at a recent catch up with some of favourite Perth bloggers that there are a few tips I could share with those considering starting a blog or are in the early stages.  I know every blogger and his dog were at Problogger recently and I'm hoping that my tips are just as useful as Darren's.

If you want a successful blog, an engaged community and more sponsored opportunities than you can throw a gifted lipstick at, then these tips are (not) for you.

Don't bother writing a blog. Some bloggers think that they just have to put a few travelling ice cream photos on instagram and they'll get 15 billion followers and everyone will click through to read their latest post. It ain't true.  Getting readers to click through to your blog and spend a minute (if you get a minute of their time you're doing well!), is hard, and a photo of your feet on the beach is not going to convince anyone.

Blog infrequently, and on a schedule even the most scatter-brained person won't understand.  Make sure you post at random times, with random blog header photos and with random titles.  Ideally publish posts in the middle of the night and then announce on Facebook that you've blogged and sit back with your skinny latte and watch them come in droves.

Think small.  You should think of your blog as a hobby, of course, as you do it in your spare time.  So it's not a real job, is it?  Keep on thinking like that and that will ensure that every brand will pass you over in favour of a blogger whose blog looks professional and is kept up to date.

Collaborate with the everyone that asks you.  You need to source  the brands that are a completely wrong fit for your niche.  For example, being a fashion and lifestyle blogger, I recently jumped at the chance to review some toilet cleaner that was offered (free, of course!) to me.  Who wouldn't?

Compare yourself to other bloggers and copy what they're doing.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so make your blog a carbon copy of your favourite and you're bound to encourage all of their loyal readers to head over to yours and start commenting immediately.  It's a good idea to harbour intense jealousy of those bloggers that are doing well, too, and NEVER comment on their posts.

Stay at your desk and do not mix with other bloggers.  If you go to events with other bloggers they are obviously going to steal all of your ideas by some kind of blogger-osmosis.  Staying home and avoiding such collaborative get togethers is the perfect way to keep all your fabulous ideas to yourself and also make sure that no other blogger knows you exist.  Result!

Take crap photographs.  This is the kicker.  You have to be sure that all of your photos are taken with your phone (ideally with sticky fingerprints on the lens from the kids playing Minecraft on it in the car).  If you're doing outfit photos, stand in front of a crappy garage door and get the five year old to take the pics whilst skipping, or some other activity.  Don't get a proper camera or a tripod or else readers might think you take the time to take a decent photo.

I really hope these tips have helped all of you would-be bloggers to turn their blog into something (not) hugely successful and popular.  You never know, this time next year it could be you (not) speaking at ProBlogger!

Happy blogging and I'd love it if you have some tips to share on how (not) to be a great blogger.

*not a real statistic, but it's probably true, isn't it?


  1. HAHA ... so cute. And I'm guilty of a few of those .. I must admit!

    Dawn Lucy

  2. Love it ... and I reckon it's totally a real statistic!

  3. Haha - classic! Thank you for those tips! I went to Problogger but I think yours are resonating with me more! ;-)

  4. HA! I'm guilty of most of these, which clearly explains my stunning lack of success. But I've managed to keep a completely pointless blog limping away for a few years, so that's something. Or, you know, nothing...Thanks for the giggles.

  5. Love this Vicki! Although I am very, very crap at taking photos...thank goodness for royalty free images and the fact that I'm NOT a fashion blogger!!!!

  6. I probably have a couple of points I could add to this list. Hilarious. I think one of the positives of being distracted with my daughter in hospital is that I completely missed all the ProBlogger mentions. Mind you, they don't seem to be easing up, even from people that didn't actually attend this year.

  7. Love the way you turned the whole shamoodle inside out and upside down. Your words actually shone a light on a lot of things which (gulp) I'm not doing very well at all. Helloooo Vicki! Great post!

  8. I WISH I had a crappy garage door to take photos in front of, hahaha!! Also the toddler is more likely to run off and play Pocoyo on the phone than take a photo at this stage . . . I live in hope.


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