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A Fashionable Disorder

Let me take your temperature.  Yup, you're a little overheated.

Can I feel your pulse?  Hmm, your heart is racing a little.

And your breathing.  You definitely seem a little short of breath.

Add to those symptoms your fervent checking of your iPhone to see if your friend concurs with the diagnosis and the fact you've taken your credit card out of your wallet fifteen time and put it back again.

I'm sorry to tell you the bad news - you have a serious case of "The Lust-Have-Its".

Don't tell me that you've never suffered from it because I won't believe you.  That's a bit like saying you've never hidden in the pantry from the kids whilst eating their Freddo Frogs (oh.  Is that just me, then?).

 No Freddos left??  Waaahhhhhhhh!!!!!

I'm pretty sure, as a self certified Doctor of Fashion (what??  I think I've had too much coffee this morning) that every woman has been maligned by this condition at some point in your life.

Let me give you an example.  

You're out for coffee with friends and don't plan on looking around the shops, but one of your friends needs to get some work shoes.  So, you head to Myer, or David Jones, or wherever is your poison of choice.  She spends an hour or so deliberating over a few different pairs, asking your opinion, and trying them on.  All the while, your head is full of cotton candy, everyone's voices are muffled and all you can see is THE PAIR OF SHOES.  You know the ones.  The ones that make your palpitating heart leap into your throat and your palms start to sweat.  This is THE LUST-HAVE-ITS.  It's a completely irrational need to buy a completely unnecessary item.   If you don't have it, you fear your life will not be complete.  The love you have for this pair of shoes (that you've never seen until today) is all consuming and completely unrequited.

Don't be ridiculous - of course I don't need a caption...

Well, fear not, my sweaty-palmed fashionistas - I have not one remedy, but two.  You see, I have suffered from this condition more times than I've said I'm not drinking any wine until Friday night.  And because I know that you have too, I'm going to share them with you.


Yes, it is as simple as that.  Try the item on, snap a few pics of you in it and leave the store.  That's the easy part.  Now for the not so easy.  Do not return to that store for two weeks.  You may think about the item, share the photo with your friends, plan imaginary outfits around it (again, is this just me??) but do not go and see it in the flesh until two weeks is up.

If after the two weeks you are still suffering from The Lust-Have-Its and you have indeed come up with lots of occasions and outfits that it will work with, then you probably should buy it.  Unless it's a Chanel handbag, and then you should perhaps leave it longer than two weeks....


Now this only works if you actually have the money to buy it.  If you're thinking of whacking it on the plastic, then forget it.  It's not worth it.  But if you're not consigning yourself to two minute noodles for the rest of the month, then buy it.  ALWAYS check the store's returns policy first though - THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Take the item home, hug it, try it on numerous times and put it in your closet.  Do NOT remove the tags, or throw away the packaging or receipt.  

If you haven't worn it in two weeks, take it bag.  Simples, as the would say.

I probably return 50% of everything that I buy.  Cure Number Two is my go to strategy and it works really well.  Very often when I've submitted to the LUST-HAVE-ITs, I find that within a few days, the heart palpitations have stopped and the items becomes (god forbid) mundane.

So there you go.  I hope I've provided you with a couple of remedies for this under-publicised ailment.  Let me know if they work for you.....

1 comment:

  1. hahaha I love the post. I *occasionally* suffer the lust-have-its but fortunately majority of the time it is over affordable things. Aaaaaand quite often it may be shoes too that stay in their boxes for waaaaaaay too long. hahaha. But I needed them I swear!


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